>I had to put my kitty down, last night. The past few days have been pretty rough for her, I had seen her around the house at different intervals, but normally she’d be in one spot for at least 24 hours. After talking with my Ken I realized the only reason she’d been in different places was because people had picked her up to move her.

She had also spent an extended period in a cupboard in the bathroom because she went in there to hide and sit… and didn’t meow or even try to get out for at least a day… which is when we heard her and got her out. I had tried to give her tuna, but she wasn’t really having it. Since I was under the impression that she was still mobile, I just made sure the food bowl was full and within reach.

After being missing for a day yesterday I knew she had snuck downstairs. I went down, called for her and heard a tiny weak meow from the darkest corner of the cellar.

I called for her, she was trying… I could hear slow movement and walking over wood, other scattered basement stuff… and when she finally made it into the light, her legs buckled and she fell on the wooden slats she was trying to walk over. I picked her up, she was limp in my arms… and I knew it was probably time.

I brought her upstairs, took her right to the food. She sniffed the food… then fell face first right into it. I picked her back up, she couldn’t stand without me holding her. I put out another bowl, grabbed what was left of the milk… and held her close to it, she tried to lick and again collapsed, submerging her nose and face in the milk. I picked her up, took her to say her goodbyes to everyone at the house, grabbed a box with a towel, and we went to the animal hospital.

I was really crying by the time I got there, I hated to do it… but I could tell she was in pain. She would just buckle every minute or so… pulling away from some unknown thing. It was so sad, but the nurses understood. We went into the waiting room and everything was squared away shortly thereafter. I wanted to take her home after, but it’s not my yard… and I’d hate to go out there and see it all dug up some day. It was $65 extra for me to be with her… $48 for them to keep the body… and $24 for the deed itself. I wanted to be with her, but I couldn’t… apparently the $65 pays for the “doctor’s time”. I don’t need a doctor there, just a nurse… they do the same thing. From what Phil said about watching his cat be put to sleep… I’d almost rather not have seen her. She gave me a good enough look before I left…

It’s funny, when listing “5 things I couldn’t live without” and “things that are in my room” a cat is listed in both places… I know I’m not alone now… but I feel different.

I’ve never been one to dwell on death, I accept it as better then living in pain… and each has their own definition of pain, so of course it’s going to be different for everyone. Some don’t accept it, some ask why… but the only reason is that it’s just part of it all and you do the best you can with what you have in the meanwhile.