>I just heard back from the Vet — blood work came out negative for any kind of virus, infection, or parasite. She could have an ulcer… or some other form of growth. There’s not really anywhere else to go from here other then an X-Ray and Ultrasound. Even if they do find anything with the X-Ray, I can’t do a surgery – much as I want to. If there’s nothing conclusive after the X-Ray, then I just bring her home and that’s that.

I was on the phone with a customer the first time he called – had to get back to him. I was having a really hard time with this woman describing digital cable – “don’t start with that technology stuff – that’s computer and internet… I don’t even have a digital TV” and my favorite quote of all time: “This is just like Communist Russia!”

I was reading through my entry from the other day and had a few regrets.

Things have changed with the situation since then, and I said quite a few really harsh un-founded remarks – mainly to emphasize the helplessness I felt in not being able to change the inevitable. It was first brought to my attention the other day by a co-worker who commented on the curtness and difficulty I had portrayed. I read it over with a less cloudy mind and realized there were many a comment that I would take great offence to if someone had written a similar thing about me. Before anything escalated I wanted to possibly clear the confusion and maybe even retract the items that were exceptionally un-founded.

I made personal comments about people very near and dear to me, comments that were based on my anger at the time, my confusion as to where I was going because of these changes. In a journalistic forum, there are certain expectancies… responsibilities they must adhere to. In a free-access environment there is no editorial process. Granted – my page, my thoughts… but no one deserves to have feelings generated about them based on one person’s opinion. No one person has the answer, and thoughts are always clouded with emotion. Instead of taking a knife’s edge into the things that bothered me about friends – my own actions should have been inspected. Instead of rambling about people in a way that could potentially effect them negatively — one can speak in very general terms – conveying the meaning, without the intimate details. I should have seen the things they have done for me, the support they’ve given, and the reason that I choose to surround myself with them, and they – I, in our own home.

I hope to use this as an item to show what can happen when you forget why you’re where you are – because you’ve gotten along with the help of others, no one can go it alone. Anyone who says it… they may be correct – but they can’t be happy. I don’t surround myself with just anyone. I’m too skeptical, unsure, and untrusting of the world around me. Comments just can’t be formulated with bits of information from here and there. I’ve had a recent experience where a conglomerate of facts can turn into a truth with only it’s reproduction. My comments were based upon the same principal, but because I didn’t know… and I still wanted to express it, I had to fill it with something. You can’t do that and still expect to retain your credibility. I’ll use a journalistic example of the recent picture reproduction by the NY Times photographer.

So if anyone happens to read what I’ve written previous:

I care about these people far to much to risk them reading it without explanation, so take how I really feel into account.

Who read’s this thing, anyway…?