>What is it about a job that makes a person feel worthwhile? That they have a purpose in this world? For me it’s the security that I retain my car, I’m able to feed myself, and I have a home. I’m feeling more and more like this is a lot to ask. I’ve gotten quite a few replies from my resume on Monster, but nothing’s panned out yet. My unemployment has run out, and I need to have my claim re-evaluated and approved. They look at how much I’ve earned over the past year and give me half of that, just like when my claim first started, but half of half of what I was earning previously isn’t all that much.

I feel like I need to start selling things, but no one else has any money either. If I could sell the new system I just made that would help a great deal. I can even accept credit cards via PayPal. I could sell the iMac if it came down to it, but I probably wouldn’t get enough for me to want to part with it. I’d sell it anyway. I’d sell my TV, and my couch too… so if anyone’s interested in any of those, make me an offer.

I just got off the phone with unemployment. Since I’ve managed to stretch my unemployment by working part time, 52 weeks instead of the normal 30 weeks, I’m kinda screwed, kinda not. I get less money now, the whole claim is re-evaluated according to my earnings over the past year, a loss of about $100 a week before taxes. I think it’s another 30 weeks, however. It’ll be a while before it all goes through… so no money in the meanwhile.

I feel like I’m slowly drowning. I’m trying not to spend any extra money, will really be sticking to it now — I’ve got no other choice.

Potential Roommate #1 came over, checked out the place… and lied to me right off the bat. I don’t blame someone for not wanting to say that they live at home but when you tell me “the house was just sold, they’re trying to get everyone out and it’s hard to find a place in Springfield” and then I call your “landlord” and it’s your father… and he’s a dick to me, well that just doesn’t say too much. He answered the phone, I very nicely said who I was, that I had just spoken with Carmen and wanted to see what kind of tenant she had been. “I’m her father” Well I can’t imagine you’d have anything but good things to say about your daughter… “OK bye”.

I think this is the same guy who called me at 10:00 this morning for the 2nd time in a couple days:

“who is this?”

“I don’t know — you called me”

“you called my house”

“maybe a few days ago, answering a msg regarding rooms for rent”

“oh – I gave her the msg, goodbye”

Sheesh.

I’m supposed to be meeting with another guy looking for a place, disabled, gets a check… looking for a place to move out of his sisters. I just can’t believe the people this ad is attracting, where are the kids like me? I want people who have a job, have a car, maybe even parents who’ll be paying for everything!

I’ve checked out other places around here, the least I’d be paying is like $400 for a room… $850 for 3 bedroom, $650 for 2-3 bedroom… so it’s all comparable to what I’ve got. I might as well make the best of it.

That is, unless I can find a job — then I could move where I wanted, live on my own… or at least with only 1 roommate. I’m just very very discouraged right now, the weekend did me well, but here I am back to reality.

Reality is what you make it. I want my reality to be living in a house with friends. I want to have a good job, a job that I enjoy doing, but I can make do with anything for about $10 an hour right now. It’s not too much to ask, $7 is not enough to live.

And the answer is “Dire Straits – Why Worry” =]

…create my reality, live my dream, and love it all in-between.