>Just got back from a bit o dancin.

I was hoping for a night of release, some physical exercise, and maybe a little bit of flirting fun. Not so — I tried, but felt bad the whole time. Whether I actually was or not, I felt like I was getting glares from all over – from the people I knew, from guys who I thought might be attached to the girl who was dancing near me, from the girl who looked like she wanted to dance but who I passed up because I’d already started dancing with someone else…

I’ve tried dancing with multiple people at a time before, it doesn’t usually fly and one or the other (or usually both) will then meander off. This time I figured I’d try one at a time. That still didn’t work as I’d be somewhat dancing with one, she’d walk off, and then the one I didn’t pick would be put out and ignore me.

I just got sick of it and left. I was only frustrating myself. It was time to go anyhow, I was on the road and headed home at 12:30. I was determined that I wasn’t going to miss class again.

I’ve realized my goal. Not as in “achieved it” but just realized what it is.

I was trying to figure out how to phrase it, but decided to stick to the vernacular:

I need to learn how to pick up chicks.

When I first met Phil R I was amazed. He looked the part, clean-cut, and was smooth as all get out. He knew just what to say, and would at least get some info, or a nice conversation from the lady in question. Normally all he was after was the phone number. He’d never call, he just wanted the number.

A classic college guy – play nice, be fun, love ’em and leave ’em.

He once bragged about how he finally got a girl into bed after a week or two of prodding and dry-humping, then he broke up with her as soon as they were done. I was amazed.

I would never do that — couldn’t do that. I just want to be able to talk to women without braking out in a sweat, want to be able to converse, to introduce myself. I feel once people get to know me that I can be interesting, charming, funny… it’s just getting to that point of being comfortable where I can be myself.

That’s my goal. I still have a bit of growing up to do.

I’m probably taking a step backwards with this goal, reverting. I can’t revert if I never went through that step though, can I? =]~

I think I got a little ahead of myself with everything, and got scared, as usual.

It’s funny because I can’t count how many times people have said how good we look together, or what a great couple we make.

I just feel like saying:

“Yeah, I know… but I just couldn’t let it go on without screwing myself.”