>I wrote this last night — but was stuck in lofi and actually published this for like 5 secconds :] I cut but never pasted… lost in digital purgatory.

Phil: What would you call the space in-between stripes?

Josh: Purgatory?

I was rambling on about my current situation in regards to relationships. Danelle confuses me. She seems like she would really want me around, if Caitlin wasn’t so posessive. She also plays it the other way to Caitlin, she’s honestly under the impression that me even talking to Danielle, or calling her at odd times of the night… is completely unwanted. It’s partially my fault for not being “careful enough” and allowing the evidence of the caller-id to be seen, but it’s like there’s more to it.

Caitlin really loves that girl, and maybe there’s something to that. I have previous experience with a similar situation. Jess and Angie.

They were really close friends, always around eachother… then one party it all came out — they were all excited, so glad no one really cared. They were talking about how they’d tell their parents… it certainly was strange. The poor girl (Angie) then got knocked up by some guy… and had to go get things taken care of and to go back home with daddy.

It was probably one of the saddest mini-dramas I’ve ever been witness too. It’s the kind of thing that would draw ratings on MTV.

Caitlin won’t let me get close, won’t let us hang out with eachother because she knows how I feel due to that letter. What she doesn’t know is how highly the letter was reguarded. I meant everything I said, but I don’t like to play games, we’re all big people here and can make our own decisions. I can see how it might rock the boat a little at first, but things happen… people get over it. If she doesn’t think it’s worth it enough to try… or if she’s just biding her time. I figure I’ll wait it out – but it might be time to see what I’ve had all along, someone who cares for me and who I ran away scared from once the whole ‘long term committment’ hit home.

Waiting on 2 things – back to school time, and being out of work… both those things will bring opportunity. I have a habit of rushing, thinking it’s been a long time — thats all it needs, is time. She’ll be able to make things clear if she would like… I just feel if she really wanted to pursue anything, she would be trying much harder. I’ve pushed too much already, got myself in this position =]