I was an odd kid, naive, trusting, and without much social interaction before preschool. Even then there were countless times I was pressured by my parents to “just walk over and make friends with other kids playing” but something about how I spoke, how I carried myself, the fact that my mother was “ancient” in kids years. Born when she was 44 plus I came out a bit askew. My nose was never right, various asymmetries in my face, and started with a bit of a lisp.

I had a nice old woman in North Brookfield as a babysitter, my mom made friends with a teacher down the road who worked at a different school and had their own son Joe.  I stayed after preschool with the woman and Joe until my mom could pick me up.  The woman would tell us stories and would make us nap for an hour in the afternoon after lunch.  One of our parents would bring us back for a bit until my mom got a doesn’t position.  It paid more, but was a little further away. So I would stay a few hours after school at Joe’s house.  He was always trying to impress, and almost every time I ended up scared in a corner because Joe would get absolutely freaked by his father. I witnessed soap in his mouth of various occasions, verbal amazing, physical amazing, all in the name of discipline and I was scared another time it would somehow extend to me .  I mentioned the abuse to someone at school in passing not knowing it was writing, just that my parents were always nice to me so this kid must be pretty badly behaved. I mentioned to someone about it at school. It made everyone angry and they fired me.  We had to find a new after school care.

My mom never really gave me a reason when we had to move to a new baby sitter. but I was a pretty aware kids, so I figured it out: I was bad, getting Joe in trouble. I December to Lisa’s a friend’s I liked hanging out with

TBC