Originally drafted 2004 07 09 – same issue
first look at my head not turning itself off and prognosticating what was to come
>All I can think about is this crap with Carletta. I don’t know where this will stop, it certainly keeps going in my head. If she causes Allison to move out, I’m finished. Unless I can get someone else to live here I’m going to have to move out if both of them move out. I don’t have any friends left if they’re all mad at me and there’s only Scott living here. I think Scott would stay, but if she cooridinated something… if she convinced everyone to move out, to show me — they would.
I’d have no where to go, nothing to do.
I can’t stop my head… it just keeps going. Who knows where it will stop, and I’d do anything to stop this from rolling around in my head.
so here I was just rambling on in my dark room on my iMac. I was fearing the worst. I would tend to over analyze, to ruminate on that which I could not necessarily change, or even influence, worrying I could not keep up thence that got me where I was.
Things are like that again. I lost it for many years, and it is the very reason I am on here now updating this, I can’t sleep. This is keeping me busy so my brain doesn’t have to keep working, keep solving, keep what if… Ing.
June 7th 2012