Orignally drafted on 2004 07 14 – not published due to the sensitivity of the emotional turmoil. It would have actually made the situation worse, so I withheld it. Still keeping this in draft for a while…

>Carletta just popped in, like a tornado just pops in.

She grabbed her Futon, who knows where she’s headed. I’d figure to Ren’s house but wonder if she’s giving the bed to Allen.

She seemed to make a pivitol decision once Allen came back. He was there that night at Alibis.

He helped her move the futon. Ren would never help her do anything. He claims “fear of the landlords” as an excuse, but it’s just an excuse so he can be lazy. I can say what I want about them now. They hate me anyway. Or at least they won’t consider me their friends.

All because of someone’s spin on it, how about the fact that nothing was ever said lead me on in a way. I was persistant. I wanted to believe, I wanted to think she she was willing to put her relationship at stake for me. If she had at least said something, a snide little comment in the morning… I expected it several times. When it didn’t come, I took it for a sign that things were fine, that she was OK with it.

That was pretty wrong.

A bad assumption to make because instead she just balled it all up inside and… it eventually burst.

I’ve never had anyone move out so promptly — I aim that she’ll be out of here well before the end of the month. Imagine that, will note that down under how to get rid of house mates

** 2012 05 02 **
Still not ready to publish this but I wanted to elaborate while my memory was jogged. This was when Carletta moved out. I had been hitting on her for a while. I thought we had some pretty good moments, I had played it a little too safe. I had a chance, but didn’t do enough with it until it was too late and I did too much. I wouldn’t let her sleep. I wanted to cuddle in with her, so I ended up “working on her computer”. I really was fixing it up and doing spyware scans and the like but it was only because I wanted to stay there.

Supposedly I squished her moisturizer all over her good jeans. I still maintain to this day that I didn’t actually do it, that it was an even better way to materialize an emotional hurt. We passed in the night, and you stayed with Ren for a little while more, broke apart… spent some time self reflecting and eventually you two got back together. You’re now married, with a house, a new baby… so many years have passed.

I now believe I did it. I was angry. I felt led on and I was disappointed. I knew it could mean the end, so maybe if I did something extra crazy, that would retract, I think I can remember angrily stomping on it of smashing the tube with my hand,,, hoping it would go away in the morning.

June 7th 2012

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